Bah Humbug

Well it’s the run up to Christmas again. The time of year when people are filled with the urge to spend money on people they really do not like all that much but feel a duty to buy them things they do not need or want, where is the Christian values in that.

I have even found myself this year falling into this trap of commercialism at Christmas. Having just spent over three hours looking for a present for my brother in laws, brother in law daughters,’ husband. Now how sad is that?

But there is one thing that is good so far this holiday season, that's the Christmas lunches at my place of employment. Yesterday I went out for lunch with 7 women.

The others

Well I’m back, for some strange reason I have not updated this blog for a month. Sad that’s what I am.

But not as sad as the The Institute of Public Policy Research's (IPPR), they want to help people on benefits to save money by kick starting the savings habit. How the hell can some one on benefits in this country save money on the pittance the government gives them?

I have worked for Forty Years, never been on the “dole” when I left my last employer the wonderful government who had been taking over a Thousand Pounds a year from me in National Insurance payments told me that I was not entitled to anything!! Why is this government so stupid or at least they thinking we the people are very stupid.

This row about Farepak. I have a question to ask about the FUND which has been started to help the people who lost money.

DO YOU REALY THINK THAT THE MONEY WILL GET TO THOSE WHO NEED IT???????????

The old saying springs to mind. Pigs might Fly but they are very rare creatures.

Botox

A British doctor said at a conference of plastic surgeons in England that Botox treatments have grown in popularity and many patients show signs of addiction

The injections, which smooth facial wrinkles, last four to six months with a year’s supply costing around £900. FOUR in TEN Botox users show signs of being addicted to it.

Doctors fear patients are demanding unnecessary jabs before Botox has worn off because they are hooked on their new look or get a buzz from the treatment.

Botox changes the physical appearance of a person’s skin or face, and that ultimately leads to improved body image. This enhances psychological well-being … It is easy to see how people could become addicted.”

I have never tried Botox but I think I have become addicted to its results; it makes women of my age smooth skinned and one hell of a lot better looking. After all I have spent years perfecting the art of woman watching. Even the wife will now point out a particularly attractive specimen. Long may that continue.

Beautiful Women and Lecherous old farts.

Britain's Culture Secretary Tessa Jowell urged organisers of London's Fashion Week on Saturday to ban "stick-thin" models from its catwalks.

I think she should butt out and keep Labours interfering spoiling government doing what it should (but is not) be doing, in case the government is not sure. It SHOULD be running the country not behaving as if it’s still in the playground at school.

People like to look at beautiful women displaying the clothes on the cat walk, if the women are stick thin then so be it. They have as much right as big fat slobs of lard to find employment. Lets face it most of our government jobs are being taken by the big fat blood sucking lard buckets.

Better they spend some time sorting out our national health service and the deliberate under funding of certain parts of the country, here in Cornwall our health service is under funded and has been for many years all because some one and I wonder who has been giving the people of Cornwall less per head for medical services than the rest of the country. Might it be because we have no Labour members of parliament in the county?

Might that be the reason why the government is trying to take the objective one money that Cornwall receives from the European Union as being one of the poorest economic regions in the EEC. After all only an idiot would think that this bunch of rabble (sorry government) did not look after its own. You only have to look at their history since they have been in power.

Hell how can they say they are running the country when all they are doing is arguing amongst themselves about who is going to stick their snout in the big trough when Teflon Tony quits, lets face it everyone in the country thinks that his cozy little agreement with Goody Gordon is a sham and Goody Gordon is going to get shafted. My personal money is on John Reid, you know the man who saved Teflon’s bacon over the invasion of Iraq. Not that I would accuse any politician of not telling the truth.

Now they know it does not work.

It has been reported in the ITWIRE and others that RFID tags can be hacked and copied with the minimum of effort and equipment. Just what is it that the major western governments find so attractive about this technology? Just look at the name of the company that has won the contract from the US government to produce these RDIF tags for their passports. Infineon, do you know what it means?

The name Infineon combines the English word "infinity" with "eon," the ancient Greek word for eternity, in an attempt to call to mind positive associations with the idea of infinity. And that’s what they want the control of the masses for infinity.

It’s not the security of the system that’s for sure, so it must be something else. Could it possibly be the control of their people? NO sane person would object to these infernal devices if they stopped terrorism or even if they helped wipe out identity theft. But they will not. So in fact it’s just another erosion of mine and your civil liberties and the freedom that our ancestors fought and died to preserve. Or so our leaders have always told us.

Let me impart a lesser known fact to you, only the poor die in wars, the rich get richer and politicians get richer still (after all have you ever seen or heard of a poor politician). Look at the great arms families of Europe.

Krupp, how many millions have perished from the products that they have made?

Beretta, have been making small arms since 1526. How many bodies have gone in the ground thanks to these weapons?

I could go on for pages and pages. But it will make no difference. We are never going to stop wars, but we can stop our governments going down this path of RDIF chips. I know I have been going on about it for years now, but have I been wrong. NO I HAVE NOT. Stop these things now before they become common place otherwise in 10/20 years time we will all have one inserted in our bodies. Then the nightmares will really begin.

Boycott shops known to use these chips.
Boycott products known to have these chips inserted in them.

Use your imagination to corrupt and defeat these inventions of an orthlian mind.

Tight Gits Telecommunications.

Here at Grumpy Towers I have spent the best part of the weekend changing my internet service providers over from British Telecom to Orange. All in the hope of saving money.

My old payments were

BT Internet 26.99

Mobile phone 25.00

Text Package 3.00

Now I only pay 30.00 for my mobile phone bill per month and get free broadband plus free telephone calls during off peak and at weekends. Free mobile calls to the wifes mobile ( that saves a fortune in its self) and a vastly increased free calls to mobile and land line numbers included in the package.

They even supply the wireless hub free of charge, so I reckon to save 25 pounds a month (nearly $50) and over a year that’s money in anyone’s book. At the same time I got my mobile telephone upgraded to a SPV M3100. Believe me it’s the bees knees, I have now had it for two weeks and the thing does all I want and more.

So if you have an orange mobile telephone in the UK you would be a fool not to take advantage of this offer. It’s in the Orange shop and it’s the RACOON animal package.

PLANET FU*KED-UP aka EARTH! [must read!]

PLANET FU*KED-UP aka EARTH! [must read!]
Originally uploaded by radiant guy.

I have blogged this image from flickr, it just about sums up the world in this day and age.

Kozo vs. the Vending Machine

Sometimes life is just like this.

Lucky Escape

If we had elected the liberal dems we may have ended up with a drunken prime minister.

Think of the problems this might have caused.

He might

Declare an illegal war.

Think ID cards are a good idea.

Charge us twice for the collection of our rubbish.

Think he looks cool in a pair of flowery shorts, without a shirt, drinking his beer.

Think that having a child while he is in office makes him look human.

Become George Bush's pet.

Spend more time in the House of Commons discussing vermin control than an illegal war.

Think he can get away with buying property and not declaring it.

Offer rich people honors as a reward in return for sponsoring his party.

Keep appointing his friends to high government posts, no matter how many times they prove publicly that they are crooked/not up to the job.

Take away his deputy’s duties but keep him on full pay when said deputy is caught shagging secretary.

Making sure his best buddy ends up with a cushy job in Brussels when the buddy gets caught for the third time.

Allow his wife to profit (via books and lecture tours) on the fact that she is married to the prime minister.

Allow his family to except free holiday after free holiday from aging rock stars.

Believe his blind minister when he says 'I have not been seeing another man's wife.

Ensure that those of us in rural areas pay premium for our modes of transport while he took private jets.

Get the health service in so much debt that it is in danger of collapsing.

Make sure his offspring get cushy jobs with people with influence.

Steal money from pension funds.

Steal so much money from pension funds that people who expected to be able to retire in their 50s, now have to work until 70 or until they die.

Appoint a minister for planning who just happens to have a son who is a developer, who just happens to find large green field sites to build on when no-one else can.

Allow so many immigrants into the county, that the indigenous population is too scared to leave their houses.

Allow so many immigrants into the county allow them to commit crimes and do not deport them.

Confiscate houses from people who are working abroad, in homes etc coz the house has been empty for 6 months, and them letting them out at a peppercorn rent, with the owner of the house getting nothing but a bill for restoring the house at the end of seven years.

Lock up pensioners for lack of council tax payments while letting his deputy off on the same offence.

Lock up pensioners for petty crimes such as stealing food or non payment of TV licenses while allowing rapists/murders to go free.

Allow burglars to break into houses and then lockup the owners who defend themselves.

When a burglar has hurt himself 'on a job' allow said burglar to sue the householder for 'loss of earnings!

Try and ban full fat milk as he does not understand that full fat milk only contains 4% fat.

Thank heavens we did not elect a drunken prime minister. What a state this country would be in.

Follow up to bugs in the bins.

Even more councils are coming to light, remember its just the tip of the iceberg. RFID tags are in the food packages in supermarkets, in the clothes you buy in the high street and now in your bins.

I wonder where next. Implanted under our skins?


Click here for the latest stories. and here .

And here for my coments and here and here.

Germans plant bugs in our wheelie bins

You can not say I have not warned this is coming, this and many other uses of these infernal little things (RFID tags). Please read the story below its a link to the Daily Mail web site.

Electronic spy 'bugs' have been secretly planted in hundreds of thousands of household wheelie bins.

I was thinking in the throne room this morning (I’m sure you can work out just what room the throne room is) I have many of my most brilliant flashes of inspiration whilst sitting on the throne. Is it just me or can not people see what is happening to them, I have spent the weekend with my brother. He is a lot like me. But he was going on about recycling.

Now don’t get me wrong I think there is a place for the recycling of the rubbish of this world. Let’s start with Politicians then move onto the morons who want to invade our/my privacy all in the name of "the people" or "civilization". If you read the item/link above you will see that several councils in this country have covertly installed spy bugs in the dustbins that the rate payers of their districts have to use.

Is this the tail wagging the dog? After all are not councilors there to represent the voters and are not council employees there to represent and give value to the people who pay their salaries via the council tax.

Now I transgress, just what has triggered this almost holy crusade of my older and undoubtedly uglier brother. Has he in his 56th year on this earth become green over night? Or has he as I suspect become a victim of the relentless barrage of mind twisting spin that has become the norm these days from everything from what we eat what we drink what we smoke to who we have sex with.

NO way he is so much like me that I’m sure that in some way he has been got at!!! After all he has the same attitude to things that I have, HE NORMALLY COULD NOT GIVE A SHIT.

Fat Cats and for once NOT a MP

Just how is Teflon going to shaft Gordon

Now I know that I have a weird sense of humor but sitting here thinking, I do wonder just how Teflon Tony is going to shaft Gordon Brown.

Will he leave our once great country in tatters and embroiled in conflicts overseas, in debt to his mate George Bush. With taxes and national pride flowing into the sewers.

Or will he try to drown Goody Gordon; no he will not do that. With the cost of our water bills only the rich can afford to drown in fresh water.

Come on if you read this give me your ideas. Because nothing is clearer in my mind than he will try.

Inheritance tax

Former cabinet minister Stephen Byers has called for inheritance tax to be scrapped and replaced.

Have you ever noticed that the rich people always manage to pay fewer taxes than the poor; it’s because of all the crafty lawyers that they employ. After all can anyone spend more than a certain amount? Let’s say £1,000,000 the tax man should get all amounts above that. Then the rich might spend some more of their money whilst they are alive and buy goods and services that might just help the poor stay in employment.

Home Secretary John Reid has gained almost as much UK media coverage in the past two weeks as John Prescott and Gordon Brown combined, a study claims.

Well what a surprise, I don't think. It has become blatantly obvious for months
now just who Teflon Tony would like to take over the reins of power when he
retires/is thrown out. Never mind his gentleman’s agreement with Goody Gordon,
only a fool would expect a politician to keep their word or do anything straight
and above board.

Are they a pair of Idiots?

What can anyone say.

Is Bush an Idiot

Well look at the video and make up your own mind.

Security 'bad news for sex drive'

A woman's sex drive begins to plummet once she is in a secure relationship, according to research.

Well you do not have to be a researcher to know, this just a married man!!!!!!

Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott has denied saying the Bush administration had been "crap" on the Middle East road map - the plan for peace in the region.

What I can not understand is why he is denying he said it. IT’S TRUE. The American people as some of the nicest I have ever meet, they are warm and helpful have a deep sense of family and pride. But their politicians are the same as ours here in the UK. CRAP comes out of their mouths and in their deeds and actions.

Yes John (2 jags) this means you as well as Teflon Tony and all of the other blood suckers who are draining this wonderful country of ours dry. For years now it’s been all noses in the trough drinking the life blood of this country dry. Now I’m not foolish enough to think that any other political party would be any different, may be slightly less sanctimonious (hopefully).

Pissoirs may become an American target!

This was published in our local free newspaper this week. Its called the Truro Packet and can be relied upon to put a differant slant on the news in its letter page.

But I wish to nominate Peter Mahoney for a Pulitzer Prize....

The artical....

I'm very concerned by the news that Newquay has installed the first of three underground pissoirs.

Newquay's wee problem apart, I am afraid that with American spy planes traversing the globe and able to identify on the ground from a great height, the smallest of details, these pissoir installations could well be mistaken as underground launching sites for inter-continental, nuclear missiles. Given America's predilection - gung-ho, bomb it first, ask questions later, notwithstanding our current supposedly "friendly" connections with the US - Newquay is, in this respect, at potential grave risk.

Accordingly, should I ever feel the need to relieve myself whilst in north Cornwall, I certainly won't be going anywhere near these Newquay underground pissoir sites.

Stupidity sheer stupidity

We the ordinary people if the United Kingdom have suspected for many years that the Health and Safety laws of this country are a big pile of crap. Forced upon us by a mindless bunch of stupid morons.

But this story of a fire station being built with no fireman’s pole for health and safety reason is the worst example yet.

Fire chiefs in Devon have hit back at claims they built a new station without a pole for health and safety reasons.

Or

Barmy fire chiefs came under a blaze of criticism today after they banned the traditional fireman's pole - because it posed a 'health and safety hazard'.

In one national newspaper a Fire Brigade Official states that the extra 20 seconds that it takes to use the stairs does not count as we still reach our government targets of attending incidents in less than 20 minutes.

I am not so vindictive as to wish his home catches fire and is destroyed because the firemen arrived 20 seconds too late. The idiot who thought this one up should be dismissed with no payment at once.

In fact if I had my way it would be far worst than that.

Having a Bad Day

Such is life.

Jeremy Clarkson

Most of us try to light up a room for two reasons: because it might result in some sex, or it might make us richer. Money and rumpy-pumpy are the twin engines powering everything we do.



It’s rare in life to find someone ho has the same outlook on life as yourself. But the more I listen
to and read from the ramblings of Jeremy Clarkson the more I think he must have modeled himself on me. Apart from the looks that is, it’s not his fault that I was at the front of the queue when good looks were passed out and he was at the back. Still someone had to be the module for the rear end of the London buses.



Take the comment above such a true statement (courtesy of the timesonline). I derive a great deal of pleasure in some of his comments. It’s a pity that he gets more money than I do but then again I work for mine he gets his for being such a pig headed tuss.

Control Freakery

Walter Wolfgang, the heckler ejected from last year's
Labour conference, has been elected to the party's ruling National
Executive Committee (NEC).

What a pity too much, too late. Only a mad man would put some one with vastly opposing views on there own controlling committee. It just shows how out of touch the people who control this and many other nations are with the "common" people.

In all truth we are not interested, in the starving people of other nations nor in the internal politics of oppressed states. All the "common” people are truly interested in is preserving and increasing there own style of life and possessions. Sure they might have the occasional pin prick of conscience when the news media present a horrific story but that pales into insignificance compared to the price of maintaining their standard of living.

In truth, I have nothing against people from any other nation, be they black, white or yellow. All I’m interested in is getting their oil, raw materials or labor cheaply. What do most of us worry if some one in Asia is working 80 hours a week for subsistence wages, so long as we can purchase their goods at a rock bottom price from our supermarkets?

Google Ads.

Wow, I added google adds to these pages the other day. At the time the lead bit of my ramblings was about snoring and I was very impressed that the ads were related to the article. However as with all things in life it does not take long for me to become disillusioned. The snoring ads are still there and the items have no relationship to snoring.

I just wish the wife did not know what snoring was. If there was a world championship she would be a world beater.

A penniless pensioner from west London paid for a life-saving heart operation with a fake cheque.

Retired painter and decorator Roy Thayers was facing a nine-month wait on the NHS to get an angioplasty. Instead, the 77-year-old wrote out a cheque for almost £9,000 for a private operation at Hammersmith Hospital - despite only having £10 in the bank.

Good on him, I would do the same, after all if it was a Member of Parliament or an Royal or even another doctor there would no question of waiting. It’s about time the ordinary people of this country stood up the the faceless morons who think they rule it. Well they are wrong. And if it takes an act like this to bring some common sense into there little tiny world then so be it.


Viewers who are offended by jokes on motoring show Top Gear must accept such remarks will remain "an integral part of the programme", the BBC has said.

Well now I am surprised, after all these years the BBC is finally showing some common sense and telling the winging gits who complain about one of the best television programs on the box these days to take a running jump. Might they be afrid that one of the independent channels might take the program format over along with the program presenters? What ever the reason, it’s nice to hear. After all if the program has only received 500 complaints in 6 months that’s nothing. I get that many from the wife in a week!!!!!!

Corruption in Public Places

At least 1,000 prison staff are corrupt, and more than 500 are in "inappropriate relationships" with prisoners, according to a leaked study.

Claims John Prescott could have broken anti-corruption laws by staying on US billionaire Philip Anschutz's ranch are being examined by Scotland Yard.

The Home Office is to review every asylum case which involved an employee accused by a newspaper of helping people remain in the UK for cash.

The immigration system is "shot through with incompetence and corruption" and should face a full independent inquiry, says Conservative Damian Green.

Just some of the news items found today, now I’m sure that there will be many investigations (whitewash's) which will drag out for many months and cost a fortune. But in the end it will be like a train or bus crash. We will only hear further about it if there is a little/small/unimportant person they can blame. Never do our Lords and Masters take the blame for what is after all their incompetence.

As a society we expect those in positions of authority and influence to act with integrity, or at least we hope that they will. However, in the mid-1990s there was a explosion in the amount of criticism of MPs for alleged `sleazy' behavior. Most of the complaints centered on MPs accepting remuneration for attempting to influence the Commons in ways that were of benefit to their secret paymasters, and not to their constituents as decency dictates.

This is the text of the Corruption Bill, as ordered by the House of Commons to be printed on 23rd May 2006.

Go on have a laugh, read it and see over the next year how our government obeys its own rules.

I Am Ready Mr Prescott

by Pam Ayres (allegedly).

I am ready Mr Prescott,

You can take me in your arms

All these years I’ve waited,

To experience your charms,

So fling aside those trousers,

I hope they’re quick release,

For all that hanky panky’s

Made you clinically obese.

I like a man of substance,

I like a man of size,

Especially when I’m measuring

The bags beneath their eyes.

If anyone insulted me

I have no doubt at all

You’d leap to my defence

And punch the blighter through the wall.

I like you Mr Prescott,

A constant watch I keep

To see you on TV

Sat next to Tony, fast asleep.

So I’m waiting Mr Prescott

My toothbrush in my bag,

To see your chiselled jaw

Behind the wheel of either Jag.

A man like you is dangerous

A man like you is trouble

Just like a row of houses

You demolish me to rubble

With one hand on the tiller

As steady as a rock

And the other disappearing

Up the secretary’s frock.

Freedom, what freedom

Wow now you can go to prision for making babies!

The Child Support Agency (CSA) is being axed, while
absent parents face being electronically tagged, under plans to be
announced by the government.

The British National Health Service, the same treatment for all. Sounds good but whats the reality?

Pressure for surgery to treat obesity is so high that
in some areas NHS lists are being closed to all but the most serious
cases.

To little, to late even here in Cornwall.

A hospital which was criticised in a report for "widespread institutional abuse" of patients is to close.


The way of things to come in our free socity, after all we do not live in a NANNY STATE.

Smokers lighting up at work, a pub or cafe could face
on-the-spot £50 fines from next summer, under rules for the smoking ban
in public places in Wales.


Soon I think we will be fined for not using the correct colour toilet paper. All for the glorifacation of Telon Tonys balmy cronies. But we do not live in a NANNY STATE.


An office worker says he will not pay a £75 fine for dropping a cigarette end in Llanelli town centre.

Now I could go on like this for hours, days even. But unlike the morrons who are running this country I have a life (at the moment until some faceless prat tries to introduce a rule to stop me brathing).

I think the finial word should rest with Teflon.

Debates over possible bans on smoking and smacking have raised the inevitable arguments about a nanny state

It is a charge more regularly aimed at Labour governments and - as with
so many other "Old Labour" tags - is one Tony Blair is eager to avoid.

Remember you can fool all of the people some of the time or some of the people all of the time but you can not fool all of the people all of the time.

Snoring

The noise of snoring is caused by turbulent airflow when a person breathes. The turbulence is caused by a partial blockage anywhere between the nose and the vocal cords.

Although the restriction may be there all the time it usually gets worse at night during sleep because the muscles of the tongue, throat and soft palate relax and the airway tone is reduced. Her breathing will be reduced if i do not get some sleep soon.

Snoring tends to occur more often in older people, possibly as the muscles become weaker. So thats why the wife snores.

Alcohol and sleeping tablets can also relax the throat muscles and exacerbate the problem. I've tried sleeping tablets for both her and me, but the only time they worked is when I hit her over the head with the bottle.

Being overweight can contribute, as can certain anatomical variations of the throat and nose, such as a low set palate or enlarged tonsils.

Sleeping on your back may make the snoring worse.

Snoring itself is not dangerous, but it may be associated with a condition called obstructive sleep apnoea, which can be.

There are certain things an individual can do to minimise the chance that they will snore - cut down on their alcohol intake, sleep on their side and maintain their ideal weight.

There are various devices available designed to stop snoring, such as nasal strips to open the airways and devices to reposition the jaw.

Some people may also want to try homeopathic nasal drops or sprays.

In more severe cases, surgery to the nose or throat may be appropriate. I can think of some form of surgery that can be performed which will give me a good nights sleep.

Bed sharing drains men's brains

Sharing a bed with someone could temporarily reduce your brain power - at least if you are a man - Austrian scientists suggest.

Well I can only say that trying to sleep in the same bed as she who must be obeyed has reduced me to a quivering wreck many times. How can something so sweet and innocent and quiet make so much noise when she sleeps, it must be the eight wonder of the world. Never mind how many times I push and shove her into different positions the snoring continues and as the night progresses the decibels increase.

Now scientist say that lack of sleep can make you fat. So does this mean that it’s the wife's fault that I’m overweight?

There must be a way to get good nights sleep whilst sharing the bed of your loved one, or in my case the wife. But I’m blowed if I know what it is. Do YOU, if so please let me know. Go on share your pearls of wisdom.

People in lower social classes are biologically older than those in higher classes, according to research.

Just what we always thought the rich have all the fun and the poor get the blame, now the buggers live longer as well. Life is so unfair. Take me for instance I have the looks of a sixty year old the body of an seventy year old the energy of an eighty year old and the mind and thoughts of a teenager. So why if I have the same thoughts now as I did forty years ago am I called a dirty old man?

PowerPoint joins in the rot.

Microsoft is warning Windows users about a virus that takes over PCs via the popular PowerPoint program.

Well what a surprise, it’s about time that PowerPoint joined its other family members (word, excel and access) after all they spread virus's and Trojan programs onto our computers in massive numbers. Problems is most of the funnies that end up in my inbox at work are PowerPoint presentations. Does this mean that from now on I will have to work instead of playing during my hours at work?

That’s just not fair; after all it’s taken me years to find a job where people think I’m working when in fact I’m playing. But reading the news item I suddenly began to think, this latest beast installs a key logger onto your PC, horror that might mean my employers would find out what I actually do. Not too bad for me but some of my colleges it would be horrendous. The bitch from hell and the master of the universe will be thunder struck at this thought. Having to work actually work for their vastly inflated salaries. It’s an insidious thought.

NO2ID

NO2ID is a campaigning organisation opposed to the government's planned ID card and the National Identity Register.

They bring together individuals and organisations from all sections of the community and seek to ensure that the case against identity is forcefully put forward in the media, in the corridors of power and at grassroots level.

There is a link on rhe right hand side, please take a look. After all its your ID.

Joke virus warning.

If you receive a email titled "Bedtimes" delete it at once.

Do not open it .

Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR, and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It
will program your phone auto dial to call only 0898 numbers. This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.

IT WILL CAUSE YOUR TOILET TO FLUSH WHILE YOU ARE SHOWERING. It will drink
ALL your beer.

FOR HEAVEN 'S SAKE, ARE YOU LISTENING??

It will leave dirty underwear on the coffee table when you are expecting company.

If the "Bedtimes" message opened in a Windows 95/98 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will refill your skim milk with whole milk and put the caffeine back in your coffee.

***WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN. ***

And if you don't send this to 5000 people in 20 seconds, you'll fart so hard that your right leg will spasm and shoot straight out in front of you, sending sparks that will ignite the person nearest you.

Send this warning to everyone!!!

THERE'S A LOT OF SADNESS IN THE WORLD!

Right now, as you read this, 17 Million people are having SEX!!! And look at you - you're on the computer

Ranting

I have been told once again that I'm a ranting idiot, not true. So very NOT true, I just happen to believe in certain things. Like my own rights.

I believe that I should have the right to live my life the way I want and not be dictated to by others. I do not care if people do not like the smell of cigarette smoke in my house, that's fine do not come in. Stay outside and see if it worries me.

I believe that I have the right to park on my own property and just because others are to lazy to walk they should not take my parking place.

I believe that I have the right to eat what I like when I like.

I believe that I have the right to spend my money how and where and when I like and not be dictated to by some face less moron who does or does not want me to buy "organic food", "clothes from un-ethnic sources"

I believe that Members of the Government and Public Bodies are my employees not the other way around, I pay their salary's so they should do as I tell them. We have become seriously twisted when we let the face less morons tell us what to do.

I believe that my employers are there to supply me with the money to enjoy myself and save money for the things that I want, I am not there for them to order me around or for them to give me work to do. I have checked my contract of employment and nowhere in that document is the word WORK mentioned!!!!

But if I have to Rant, the thing that pushes me over the deep end. Is the way people hand you your change when you pay for something with a note. They place the receipt, change (notes as well) all in a pile in your hand. Except you have the bloody items you brought in the other hand, so where are you going to put your change? These days I simply stand there until I have put my money and change away. Never mind if I create a queue.

The NHS con.

Suspicions of full-scale NHS privatisation have been fuelled by a government advert apparently inviting firms to take control of NHS budgets.

Local health managers working for bodies called primary care trusts currently buy in services, although in some areas it has been devolved to GPs.

But adverts have gone out appearing to ask for firms to take on the role.

Well what a surprise, is this not something the people of Great Briton have been expecting. After all they have moved the goal posts so many times. Click here for what I said back in May.

The goverment keep sayying that things have got better and they are spending mone money than ever before on the NHS. I say that it should be called the un-national health service because it all depends on where you live or to be more exact your postcode.

Here in Cornwall one of our surgeons was ordered by the faceless morons who run our local health service to stop performing operations because he was preforming them well before the guidelines stated.

But in this country the twin perils of drink and stress are the things that are the most mis-understood by the NHS. So if you are over weight, drink and suffer from stress you are on your own. Never mind that you may have paid your National Insurance money all your working life.

I surpose that Im lucky. I have never been a big drinker (in fact I hate the smell of stale alchool on peoples breath, but I am over weight and have in the past suffered very bad stress. What did they do for me. Nothing a big fat zero.

And it will get a whole lot worst in the next few years (never mind who is in power) they the faceless ones will farm more and more of the NHS out to private firms, and the little bits that are left will be run into the ground over a period of time. The fun of telephoning your local surgery will increase to unbeleivable complexty, heres what happened to me a few months ago.

Kaboodle

Well in the quest to educate the great unwashed I have added a link on the right hand side bar to my kaboodle page. On this you will find links and notes to pages of research.

Please try it out as the code took ages for me to get right. Just click on Blogg Bits or the picture below it. Feel free to add your own comments and links to the page it leads you to.


Fool.

Guess who this is?

VERYYO~1
Originally uploaded by cornish_fool.

Trawling through my images and I came accross this one. What do you think he grew up like?

Open net calls fall on deaf ears

Internet campaigners have failed in a bid to prevent plans for a so-called "two-tier" internet from going ahead.

A US Senate committee has approved a bill which aims to let internet service providers provide some customers - and companies - with preferential services.

Under the plans, providers would be allowed to give customers faster internet access for a fee.

Once again, the people find and use a resource and the goverments try and tax it or corrupt it. I did warn this was coming.

And this is what I think of people who try to censor or change the internet.

RFID consultation.

Mrs. Viviane Reding, European Commissioner for Information Society and Media, has launched a public debate on RFID at CeBIT 2006. The aimof this debate is to take a forward-looking approach, sketching out possible future scenarios from the perspective of the industry, the provider, the end-user and the consumer.

"I am encouraging a wide ranging discussion involving all European stakeholders and also beyond Europe. Between March and June 2006 there will be a series of public workshops to discuss the main issues relevant to RFID. The earlier we begin this discussion, the greater the prospects for success in reaching consensus on a set of guiding principles. The conclusions of
these workshops will assist the European Commission in the preparationof an online consultation.

Please use this opportunity to pass on your feelings, click
here to leave your comments.

Sleeping beauty

Well you are to tight to get broadband so you will have to look at it online.

 

Evasion of our rights.

Secret estimates of the benefits and risks of identity cards must be published, the freedom of information watchdog has told the government.

I wonder just how much of our money Teflon spent on this report. But we also wonder just why the government it’s not keen to release it into the public realm? Could it be because the report makes a rubbish of some of the comments that we the people of the UK have been fed about ID cards.

Now I know that anyone who reads this blog might think that because I am so against ID cards I must have something to hide, not so. Its just that there is so much information about the citizens of developed countrys stored on many different data bases, that it is a event just waiting to happen for some one to create a system to link them all. Good I hear people say.

But and it’s a big but do you trust them? The elected members of our or any government not to use this information for gain or for their personal use?

Of course the police would like all the information to be stored on a central network that they could access, just think they would then not have to leave the police station, never mind getting them out of the car.

How long before commercial interests were offered access to the information? And how long before your bank would not give you access to your own money unless you could produce an ID card to prove your identity? Or your insurance company (remember in the UK they want to put your basic medical details on the cards that they would like to produce). Do you honestly believe that commercial companies would not try to harvest the information contained in them?

Then when THEY (notice the big they) would by the use of radio frequency ID (RFID) tags have us totally under their thumbs.


I have just seen this on the BBC web site. My worst fears have been realized.

Happiness

Just what do you define as being happy?

To some people this would be not going to bed hungry, to others it would be going to bed not feeling as fat as a pig.

Some would define happiness as having money in the bank; well rich people have money but are they happy? In a lot of cases the answer to that will be a very big NO!

Last night tried to decide what makes me happy, some of my workmates might say I’m only happy when I’m moaning (yes I do mean YOU). Te wife would properly say it’s when I’m sat in front of the computer, doing things I should not be doing!

However my needs are few and today being Sunday I am allowed the great privilege of taking the wife shopping at our local Asda\Wal-Mart super store, there I became aware of several different things. The first being that I like looking at attractive women. The second being the fact that no matter how much the bill was going to be, I could pay it.

But did this mean I was happy, I’m not sure; could it be that as the years have gone by my definition of happiness has changed? I think not, I have always liked looking at women and I have always wanted to have enough money to do what I liked when ever I liked.

The beginning of the END is neigh.

Well it had to happen the thought police have started the process of stealing the internet from the people.

We all know that governments the world over just hate the thought of uncensored information being published by ordinary people, total with out their control. Well that’s the case at the moment (apart from China).

You may have read my comments about RFID (radio frequency identification tags), well that’s just one of the many ways that BB is trying to control us. Here in the United Kingdom the spread of closed circuit television cameras is another. But now we have something even worst.

“Last week the U.S. House of Representatives Judiciary Committee produced a draft bill to make network neutrality an explicit legal requirement in the US.”

Not an earth shattering statement you might think, but please use this link to read the full story from the BBC.

Remember they think they can fool all of the people all of the time.

A joke in poor/good taste you decide.

A motorist, on his way home from work in Westminster came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems much worse than usual.

After a short while, he noticed a Police Officer walking towards him,between the lines of stopped cars.

He rolled down his window and asked,"Officer, what's the hold up?" The Constable replied: -

"Tony Blair is depressed, so he stopped his motorcar and is threateningto douse himself with petrol and set himself on fire.
He says no one believes his stories; about why we went to war in Iraq ,or that there is no pensions crisis, or the worsening economy, or that constant adding of stealth taxes, or that his education reforms are going to do any good, or that the health service is safe in his hands, or that immigration is under control, or that he's not George Bush's lapdog, or that his Party's proposed tax cuts won't help anyone except his wealthy friends, or that his chairmanship of the European Community hasn't just led to more power being surrendered to the French ........

So we're taking up a collection for him."

Thoughtfully, the man asks,

"How much have you got so far?"

The Officer replies,

"About one hundred and forty gallons, but a lot of people are still siphoning........"

Is this our next prime minister????

John Reid is to address an audience of top police officers for the first time as home secretary.
His speech is likely to focus on merger plans, under which the number of police forces in England and Wales could be reduced from 43 to as few as 17.

The Home Office has questioned Liberal Democrat advice to people to renew their passports now to avoid inclusion on the ID card database for 10 years. Anyone requesting new passports from 2008 will have their details stored on the National Identity Database.

The Home Office's top civil servant has said recent controversies, including over foreign criminals, have "inflicted immense damage" on his department. Sir David Normington told a police chiefs' conference recent events had "undermined confidence" in the Home Office's ability to protect the public. Earlier this week Home Secretary John Reid told MPs the immigration service was "not fit for purpose".

A "minuscule" quantity of cannabis resin has been found at the Scottish home of Defence Secretary John Reid. Mr Reid said the cannabis - worth less than £1 - was found in a guest room and police had told him it could have been there for years. "I have no idea where it came from, or when," the defence secretary said.

Rather like where have all the illegal immigrants gone, once again the answer is “NO IDEA”

Leader of the House of Commons John Reid was questioned by John Humphrys on Radio 4's Today programme on Wednesday about the row over evidence of Iraq's weapons of mass destruction. Here's the transcript of the interview.

John Humphrey’s: These rogue elements within the intelligence services. Who are they?
John Reid: Well, first of all can I just correct, because it is absolutely essential here as you keep saying that we have not only honesty but accuracy, let me just correct some of the things in your introduction. First of all, the implication that I referred at any stage, or we did, to spies, we didn't, or an MI6 plot, we didn't.
Well well did you or not ????????

Northern Ireland Secretary, John Reid (Saturday, 6 October, 2001)
After nine months in the job, the Northern Ireland Secretary, John Reid, is finally escaping the shadow of Peter Mandelson and Mo Mowlam. Dr Reid had a hard act to follow. Mr Mandelson and Dr Mowlam were - and are - two of the best known politicians in the United Kingdom. When John Reid took up residence in Northern Ireland in January this year, the reaction of most local people was: "John who?"
Funny that’s what the people in the Home Office are saying at the moment.

Now I realise that Teflon would like to pick his replacement and one does more than wonder just what he is going to use to try and screw his mate Gordon, but I would not mind betting that he is thinking about John Reid as a replacement.

Take my advice don’t. He might mislay the whole of the UK and not miss it.

Compliments

Today I was played the best compliment that I have received in years and from a 15 year old girl. She said I was a miserable old git, how true.

Words of genius from one so young.

She said that when I died I would stop annoying people, but I told her I’m going to be cremated and have my ashes thrown into the wind so I can still get up people’s noses.

The majority of the great unwashed population of this world just annoy me with their ineptitude, incompetence and plain stupidity.

YES ML this means you. How do I teach some one how to use a data base program and a document management system in thirty minutes?

Give me a break; I’m good but not that good.

What a load of old BOLLOC!S

Fewer NHS beds 'but better care'
People are getting better care despite NHS bed numbers falling by a third in the last 20 years, health managers say. The NHS Confederation, which represents NHS bosses, says it wants to dispel the "myth" that fewer beds mean less care.

Official 'targeted asylum seeker'
A Home Office official has been suspended after a newspaper said an immigration officer tried to have a relationship with an asylum seeker.
The Observer said an officer at Lunar House in Croydon in south London, had targeted an 18-year-old Zimbabwean.
The paper claims he offered to coach the girl ahead of her asylum interview, saying "he knew how to win her case".
700 escaped open jails last year
Around 700 prisoners absconded from open prisons last year, according to the head of the Prison Service. Phil Wheatley made the disclosure as the Home office came under fire after a raft of allegations about its work. Tory David Davis says ministers "took their eye off the ball" after it emerged 393 offenders had absconded from Leyhill open prison since 1999. Pressure to transfer "less trustworthy" prisoners to an open jail near Bristol has led to more than one inmate a week walking out of the facility.

'10 years' to deport all illegals
An immigration minister has said it could take 10 years to deport all the illegal immigrants living in the UK. Tony McNulty, speaking on BBC Two's Newsnight, said 310,000 to 570,000 was "roughly in the ball park" of how many illegal immigrants were in the country. He said it would take a decade to remove them, on the basis that only so many could be deported each year. Earlier Tony Blair had come under fire after saying there were no official figure estimates of illegal immigrants. Mr McNulty said:"Assuming that we can find them, and assuming that people aren't going away of their own accord, it would take some time." He said it would take "Ten years, if you are saying 25,000 per year." "Remember too the illegal population as it is is multi-layered and segmented it's not just.. those climbing over fences," he added.

Obesity tests for four-year-olds
Tests to see if children aged four and 10 are overweight are being introduced in schools. The Department of Health has opted to go ahead with the tests, despite opponents saying it could lead to overweight children being bullied.

Life.

The pace of life seems to be quickening, people complain of working longer hours, and some surveys have shown a decline in work satisfaction in recent years, largely as a result of the perceived time pressure. However comparisons with time distribution half a century back suggests that the major change is that time that used to be devoted to chores is now spent watching TV, rather than necessarily working longer hours!
"does devotion to work and money make us happy?"
The question is does devotion to work and money make us happy? It seems not. Above a certain minimum income, currently around £10,000 per annum, wealth has remarkably little effect on happiness ratings. GDP has more than doubled since the mid 1970s, but the number of people rating themselves as very happy has remained pretty constant since the 1950s.
Of course there are variations across countries. The proportion of those satisfied with their life rises in countries like Scandinavia where inequality in income is least and personal autonomy is considerable. It is lower in the former communist countries where freedom may be more limited and there are considerable differences between the rich and poor.
"relationships are the critical factor"
If hard work and wealth does not necessarily increase our well-being, what does? Research shows that relationships are the critical factor. On average married people rate themselves as happier than those that are single, as do people with many friends compared with the more isolated. The socially embedded live longer and recover quicker from illness than social isolates. So if you want to be happy keep up the social network!
We need to bear in mind that people have different capacities for happiness. Extroverts for example, consistently rate themselves as happier than introverts. Psychologists estimate that innate tendencies can account for as much 50% of the variance in happiness ratings between individuals. They also say that our level of happiness normally remains pretty similar throughout life. Even after good fortune such as winning the lottery or a misfortune such as a bad accident people generally revert back to their normal level of happiness surprisingly quickly, often within a year.
Nevertheless there are a number of things we can do to draw out well-being. We have already discussed the importance of developing and maintaining satisfying relationships. Another factor is the extent to which people are actively engaged with life. Those who do things they like and/or find meaningful tend to be more satisfied than those who rarely do things they value.
Some studies suggest that it is more satisfying to be actively absorbed in areas in which we are intrinsically motivated and where we get feedback on our progress, such as gardening, dancing, playing golf, surfing, looking after children and cooking than with activities that are more passive, such as watching TV. However watching TV for 50 hours a week is surprisingly common in the UK and the US, though the number of hours watched is falling among the young who spend more time on the internet.
To enhance well-being, watch less TV and get actively involved in something you enjoy and value. Note that almost any work offers the opportunity to do something well and engage helpfully with others.
"there are plenty of happy secretaries and unhappy CEOs"
It is the attitude that a person brings to their work and life rather than the type of work they do and, normally, the situation they find themselves in, which governs their satisfaction levels. Outward achievement is not necessarily the answer; there are plenty of happy secretaries and unhappy CEOs. It can help to remember to count your blessings and avoiding spending too much time ruminating on the empty half of the glass.
The 24 hour culture has benefits. Quite a few studies show people who work part of the time at home rather than in the office are more productive. They also have the satisfaction of saved commuting time to devote to family, partners and friends, the relationships that are so important to well-being. If you are disciplined, asynchronous communication also affords the possibility of answering emails and voicemail at a time of your choosing.
Well-being is enhanced where workers have some flexibility over when and how they work and where they maintain a work-life balance that provides time for themselves and their family as well as work. People vary widely as to what that balance is. One study found half the leaders worked weekends and half not, yet both groups were equally happy with their work-life balance.

Thank God that’s over.

Well I have just had NINE days off work on holiday, thank god it’s over and I can get back to normal. How can I upset anyone when I’m at home?

But at work that’s a different kettle of fish. Oh the fun I’m going to have this week. All of the complaints from people who know better.

The Bitch from Hell.
Will be complaining about the scanners not doing what they should. Whopps have just checked her blog, she is already moaning.

Brain dead.
Will be worrying about everyone else and how they affect his future. Learn the secret of life “what ever you do, the world will dump on YOU”.

The Lady from Planet Zanuzzi.
She will have forgotten who I am, after all it has been 9 days. Talk about long term memory loss.

Fluff.
No one loves me, no one cares.

The God Squad.
Well her father has died whilst I have been away, so an easy victim there.

And then there is the Officers (forgive the laughter).
What ever has gone wrong it will not be their fault, talk about a blame culture. The first thing they will blame will be the system, then if that can be proved not to be at fault it will be who ever is not there. And if all else fails and they are trapped it will be the old standby, pressure of work.

What group of people does this remind you off?

A GROUP OF WILD PIGS.

HABITS!!!!!

HUNT IN PACKS
STEAL FOOD
ONLY THINK OF THEMSELF'S
LAY IN THE SUN, WHEN THEY SHOULD BE WORKING
IN TIMES OF STRESS, RUN AROUND IN CIRCLES
IF CORNERED, SNARL, MAKE A LOUD NOISE, SHUT EYES AND RUN.

Old Age

One of the worst things about getting older is that the mind is one very tricky thing.
Mine still thinks that I'm in my twenty's its just the body that lets it down. Never mind all of the hurtful comments from friends and family its the body failing that gets to you in the end.

I look at young women and think (well the same as all men, who look at young women), they look at me and offer me their seat on the bus. Believe me its not that seat that I'm after.

Women, grow old gracefully and to some of them old age is an improvement. What do men get? Bits that do not improve,

Middle aged spread or just fat? In my case both.

Problem is I enjoy food, why does it let me down so badly. I have a brother and brother in law who eat as much as me indeed one of them eats far more than me but both are as thin as rakes. Its so unfair. Just the thought of a cream cake will put half a pound on my waist line.

After giveing it a great deal of thought, I have decided to go on a long term diet, by long term I mean longer than a couple of days. Also I have been thinking about taking excersise.

With regret at the passing of ??????

It is with great regret that I have to start this blog with very sad news. It has been my pleasure for several years now to know a young man called Stephen. I have watched him be rejected from pillar to post in his employment, I have seen him with the young lady who a year ago became his wife, and it’s embarrassing they appear so in love).

He left the general round of trying to find a natural home for his undoubted talents when he joined our department, in the front office of all places, but soon moved into the room where we keep the creatures from the dark side. The Bitch from Hell, the lady from Planet Zanussi and the only 24 hour wind machine.

He has been suffering for the past few weeks, going downhill, forgetting things. Wondering around the corridors talking to himself, pressing the wrong buttons on his computer. It has even been alleged by one person (who is not always honest and truthful) that he has been seen working; now I do not believe this. It would be the first time it has ever been seen. There are vauge non substantiated rumours, more like urban myths, that back in the last century he was seen working, but no live witnesses have ever been found.

As he was fond of saying one of his brain cells was equal to the rest of humanity’s intelligence combined.

Well Yesterday the 12th April 2006. His one and only brain cell died. Now he is as thick as the rest from the dark side.

Editorial written by a British citizen

This is an editorial written by a British citizen, published in a Nationa newspaper He did quite a job; didn't he? Read on, please!

IMMIGRANTS, NOT BRITS MUST ADAPT.
I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on the 7th of the 7th we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Brits.
However, the disgust about the attacks had barely settled when the "politically correct! " crowd began complaining about the possibility that our patriotism was offending others.

I am not against immigration, nor do I hold a grudge against anyone who is seeking a better life by coming to Britain, Our population is almost entirely made up of descendants of immigrants.
(The Danes, Romans etc.) However, there are a few things that those who have recently come to our country, and apparently some born here, need to understand. This idea of the Brits being a multicultural community has served only to dilute our sovereignty and our national identity.

As Britain's we have our own culture, our own society, our own language and our own lifestyle. This culture has been developed over centuries of struggles, trials, and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom.

We speak ENGLISH, not Indian, Urdu, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language= Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society, learn the language! "Land of Hope & Glory" is our motto. This is not some Christian, right wing, political slogan. We adopted this motto because Christian men and women, on Christian principles, founded this nation, and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools.

If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home, because God is part of our culture.

If the 'Union Jack' flag offends you, or you don't like our QUEEN, then you should seriously consider a move to another part of this planet. We are happy with our culture and have no desire to change, and we really don't care how you did things where you came from.

This is OUR COUNTRY, our land, and our lifestyle. Our Laws give every citizen the right to express his opinion and we will allow you every opportunity to do so! But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about our flag, our lifestyle our government, or our way of life,

I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great BRITISH freedom, THE RIGHT TO LEAVE.

It is Time for Gt.Britain to Speak up

Radio tag study

Radio tag study revealed


You might never lose another sock once radio frequency ID (RFID) tags are used everywhere, Google's chief internet evangelist has said.
Vint Cerf was speaking at the Cebit technology fair in Hanover after the announcement of a Europe-wide consultation study on RFID. The study was announced at a press conference by the European Commission. RFID is a technology that puts a small amount of computer memory into a tag readable at a distance by radio. It promises to revolutionise the way we track items - and even people, which worries civil liberties groups.


Now it sounds harmless and even good for humanity, but and I think it’s a big but do you trust people enough to allow them to know all about you? Do you know just what data is already collected about you by big business and government agencies?

But more important, DO YOU TRUST THEM?

I sure as hell do NOT.

Its old but good.

Its old but good.


Now I know how he feels, several times a day I hear something as stupid as this from people who are supposed to be far clever than me, at least they get more money.


There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause".

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"

Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

Operator: "What sort of trouble??"

Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

Operator: "Went away?"

Caller: "They disappeared."

Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

Caller: "Nothing."

Operator: "Nothing??"

Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"

Caller: "How do I tell?"

Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"

Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"

Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"

Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"

Caller: "What's a monitor?"

Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"

Caller: "I don't know."

Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"

Caller: "Yes, I think so." Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.

Caller: "Yes, it is."

Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"

Caller: "No."

Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

Caller: "Okay, here it is."

Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

Caller: "I can't reach."

Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"

Caller: "No."

Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"

Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."

Operator: "Dark??"

Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."

Caller: "I can't."

Operator: "No? Why not??"

Caller: "Because there's a power failure."

Operator: "A power...................................... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"

Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"

Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"


Operator: "Tell them you're too f*%king stupid to own a computer!!!!!"