A motorist, on his way home from work in Westminster came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems much worse than usual.
After a short while, he noticed a Police Officer walking towards him,between the lines of stopped cars.
He rolled down his window and asked,"Officer, what's the hold up?" The Constable replied: -
"Tony Blair is depressed, so he stopped his motorcar and is threateningto douse himself with petrol and set himself on fire.
He says no one believes his stories; about why we went to war in Iraq ,or that there is no pensions crisis, or the worsening economy, or that constant adding of stealth taxes, or that his education reforms are going to do any good, or that the health service is safe in his hands, or that immigration is under control, or that he's not George Bush's lapdog, or that his Party's proposed tax cuts won't help anyone except his wealthy friends, or that his chairmanship of the European Community hasn't just led to more power being surrendered to the French ........
So we're taking up a collection for him."
Thoughtfully, the man asks,
"How much have you got so far?"
The Officer replies,
"About one hundred and forty gallons, but a lot of people are still siphoning........"
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Is this our next prime minister????
John Reid is to address an audience of top police officers for the first time as home secretary.
His speech is likely to focus on merger plans, under which the number of police forces in England and Wales could be reduced from 43 to as few as 17.
The Home Office has questioned Liberal Democrat advice to people to renew their passports now to avoid inclusion on the ID card database for 10 years. Anyone requesting new passports from 2008 will have their details stored on the National Identity Database.
The Home Office's top civil servant has said recent controversies, including over foreign criminals, have "inflicted immense damage" on his department. Sir David Normington told a police chiefs' conference recent events had "undermined confidence" in the Home Office's ability to protect the public. Earlier this week Home Secretary John Reid told MPs the immigration service was "not fit for purpose".
A "minuscule" quantity of cannabis resin has been found at the Scottish home of Defence Secretary John Reid. Mr Reid said the cannabis - worth less than £1 - was found in a guest room and police had told him it could have been there for years. "I have no idea where it came from, or when," the defence secretary said.
Rather like where have all the illegal immigrants gone, once again the answer is “NO IDEA”
Leader of the House of Commons John Reid was questioned by John Humphrys on Radio 4's Today programme on Wednesday about the row over evidence of Iraq's weapons of mass destruction. Here's the transcript of the interview.
John Humphrey’s: These rogue elements within the intelligence services. Who are they?
John Reid: Well, first of all can I just correct, because it is absolutely essential here as you keep saying that we have not only honesty but accuracy, let me just correct some of the things in your introduction. First of all, the implication that I referred at any stage, or we did, to spies, we didn't, or an MI6 plot, we didn't.
Well well did you or not ????????
Northern Ireland Secretary, John Reid (Saturday, 6 October, 2001)
After nine months in the job, the Northern Ireland Secretary, John Reid, is finally escaping the shadow of Peter Mandelson and Mo Mowlam. Dr Reid had a hard act to follow. Mr Mandelson and Dr Mowlam were - and are - two of the best known politicians in the United Kingdom. When John Reid took up residence in Northern Ireland in January this year, the reaction of most local people was: "John who?"
Funny that’s what the people in the Home Office are saying at the moment.
Now I realise that Teflon would like to pick his replacement and one does more than wonder just what he is going to use to try and screw his mate Gordon, but I would not mind betting that he is thinking about John Reid as a replacement.
Take my advice don’t. He might mislay the whole of the UK and not miss it.
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Compliments
Today I was played the best compliment that I have received in years and from a 15 year old girl. She said I was a miserable old git, how true.
Words of genius from one so young.
She said that when I died I would stop annoying people, but I told her I’m going to be cremated and have my ashes thrown into the wind so I can still get up people’s noses.
The majority of the great unwashed population of this world just annoy me with their ineptitude, incompetence and plain stupidity.
YES ML this means you. How do I teach some one how to use a data base program and a document management system in thirty minutes?
Give me a break; I’m good but not that good.
Words of genius from one so young.
She said that when I died I would stop annoying people, but I told her I’m going to be cremated and have my ashes thrown into the wind so I can still get up people’s noses.
The majority of the great unwashed population of this world just annoy me with their ineptitude, incompetence and plain stupidity.
YES ML this means you. How do I teach some one how to use a data base program and a document management system in thirty minutes?
Give me a break; I’m good but not that good.
Monday, May 22, 2006
What a load of old BOLLOC!S
Fewer NHS beds 'but better care'
People are getting better care despite NHS bed numbers falling by a third in the last 20 years, health managers say. The NHS Confederation, which represents NHS bosses, says it wants to dispel the "myth" that fewer beds mean less care.
Official 'targeted asylum seeker'
A Home Office official has been suspended after a newspaper said an immigration officer tried to have a relationship with an asylum seeker.
The Observer said an officer at Lunar House in Croydon in south London, had targeted an 18-year-old Zimbabwean.
The paper claims he offered to coach the girl ahead of her asylum interview, saying "he knew how to win her case".
700 escaped open jails last year
Around 700 prisoners absconded from open prisons last year, according to the head of the Prison Service. Phil Wheatley made the disclosure as the Home office came under fire after a raft of allegations about its work. Tory David Davis says ministers "took their eye off the ball" after it emerged 393 offenders had absconded from Leyhill open prison since 1999. Pressure to transfer "less trustworthy" prisoners to an open jail near Bristol has led to more than one inmate a week walking out of the facility.
'10 years' to deport all illegals
An immigration minister has said it could take 10 years to deport all the illegal immigrants living in the UK. Tony McNulty, speaking on BBC Two's Newsnight, said 310,000 to 570,000 was "roughly in the ball park" of how many illegal immigrants were in the country. He said it would take a decade to remove them, on the basis that only so many could be deported each year. Earlier Tony Blair had come under fire after saying there were no official figure estimates of illegal immigrants. Mr McNulty said:"Assuming that we can find them, and assuming that people aren't going away of their own accord, it would take some time." He said it would take "Ten years, if you are saying 25,000 per year." "Remember too the illegal population as it is is multi-layered and segmented it's not just.. those climbing over fences," he added.
Obesity tests for four-year-olds
Tests to see if children aged four and 10 are overweight are being introduced in schools. The Department of Health has opted to go ahead with the tests, despite opponents saying it could lead to overweight children being bullied.
People are getting better care despite NHS bed numbers falling by a third in the last 20 years, health managers say. The NHS Confederation, which represents NHS bosses, says it wants to dispel the "myth" that fewer beds mean less care.
Official 'targeted asylum seeker'
A Home Office official has been suspended after a newspaper said an immigration officer tried to have a relationship with an asylum seeker.
The Observer said an officer at Lunar House in Croydon in south London, had targeted an 18-year-old Zimbabwean.
The paper claims he offered to coach the girl ahead of her asylum interview, saying "he knew how to win her case".
700 escaped open jails last year
Around 700 prisoners absconded from open prisons last year, according to the head of the Prison Service. Phil Wheatley made the disclosure as the Home office came under fire after a raft of allegations about its work. Tory David Davis says ministers "took their eye off the ball" after it emerged 393 offenders had absconded from Leyhill open prison since 1999. Pressure to transfer "less trustworthy" prisoners to an open jail near Bristol has led to more than one inmate a week walking out of the facility.
'10 years' to deport all illegals
An immigration minister has said it could take 10 years to deport all the illegal immigrants living in the UK. Tony McNulty, speaking on BBC Two's Newsnight, said 310,000 to 570,000 was "roughly in the ball park" of how many illegal immigrants were in the country. He said it would take a decade to remove them, on the basis that only so many could be deported each year. Earlier Tony Blair had come under fire after saying there were no official figure estimates of illegal immigrants. Mr McNulty said:"Assuming that we can find them, and assuming that people aren't going away of their own accord, it would take some time." He said it would take "Ten years, if you are saying 25,000 per year." "Remember too the illegal population as it is is multi-layered and segmented it's not just.. those climbing over fences," he added.
Obesity tests for four-year-olds
Tests to see if children aged four and 10 are overweight are being introduced in schools. The Department of Health has opted to go ahead with the tests, despite opponents saying it could lead to overweight children being bullied.
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Life.
The pace of life seems to be quickening, people complain of working longer hours, and some surveys have shown a decline in work satisfaction in recent years, largely as a result of the perceived time pressure. However comparisons with time distribution half a century back suggests that the major change is that time that used to be devoted to chores is now spent watching TV, rather than necessarily working longer hours!
"does devotion to work and money make us happy?"
The question is does devotion to work and money make us happy? It seems not. Above a certain minimum income, currently around £10,000 per annum, wealth has remarkably little effect on happiness ratings. GDP has more than doubled since the mid 1970s, but the number of people rating themselves as very happy has remained pretty constant since the 1950s.
Of course there are variations across countries. The proportion of those satisfied with their life rises in countries like Scandinavia where inequality in income is least and personal autonomy is considerable. It is lower in the former communist countries where freedom may be more limited and there are considerable differences between the rich and poor.
"relationships are the critical factor"
If hard work and wealth does not necessarily increase our well-being, what does? Research shows that relationships are the critical factor. On average married people rate themselves as happier than those that are single, as do people with many friends compared with the more isolated. The socially embedded live longer and recover quicker from illness than social isolates. So if you want to be happy keep up the social network!
We need to bear in mind that people have different capacities for happiness. Extroverts for example, consistently rate themselves as happier than introverts. Psychologists estimate that innate tendencies can account for as much 50% of the variance in happiness ratings between individuals. They also say that our level of happiness normally remains pretty similar throughout life. Even after good fortune such as winning the lottery or a misfortune such as a bad accident people generally revert back to their normal level of happiness surprisingly quickly, often within a year.
Nevertheless there are a number of things we can do to draw out well-being. We have already discussed the importance of developing and maintaining satisfying relationships. Another factor is the extent to which people are actively engaged with life. Those who do things they like and/or find meaningful tend to be more satisfied than those who rarely do things they value.
Some studies suggest that it is more satisfying to be actively absorbed in areas in which we are intrinsically motivated and where we get feedback on our progress, such as gardening, dancing, playing golf, surfing, looking after children and cooking than with activities that are more passive, such as watching TV. However watching TV for 50 hours a week is surprisingly common in the UK and the US, though the number of hours watched is falling among the young who spend more time on the internet.
To enhance well-being, watch less TV and get actively involved in something you enjoy and value. Note that almost any work offers the opportunity to do something well and engage helpfully with others.
"there are plenty of happy secretaries and unhappy CEOs"
It is the attitude that a person brings to their work and life rather than the type of work they do and, normally, the situation they find themselves in, which governs their satisfaction levels. Outward achievement is not necessarily the answer; there are plenty of happy secretaries and unhappy CEOs. It can help to remember to count your blessings and avoiding spending too much time ruminating on the empty half of the glass.
The 24 hour culture has benefits. Quite a few studies show people who work part of the time at home rather than in the office are more productive. They also have the satisfaction of saved commuting time to devote to family, partners and friends, the relationships that are so important to well-being. If you are disciplined, asynchronous communication also affords the possibility of answering emails and voicemail at a time of your choosing.
Well-being is enhanced where workers have some flexibility over when and how they work and where they maintain a work-life balance that provides time for themselves and their family as well as work. People vary widely as to what that balance is. One study found half the leaders worked weekends and half not, yet both groups were equally happy with their work-life balance.
"does devotion to work and money make us happy?"
The question is does devotion to work and money make us happy? It seems not. Above a certain minimum income, currently around £10,000 per annum, wealth has remarkably little effect on happiness ratings. GDP has more than doubled since the mid 1970s, but the number of people rating themselves as very happy has remained pretty constant since the 1950s.
Of course there are variations across countries. The proportion of those satisfied with their life rises in countries like Scandinavia where inequality in income is least and personal autonomy is considerable. It is lower in the former communist countries where freedom may be more limited and there are considerable differences between the rich and poor.
"relationships are the critical factor"
If hard work and wealth does not necessarily increase our well-being, what does? Research shows that relationships are the critical factor. On average married people rate themselves as happier than those that are single, as do people with many friends compared with the more isolated. The socially embedded live longer and recover quicker from illness than social isolates. So if you want to be happy keep up the social network!
We need to bear in mind that people have different capacities for happiness. Extroverts for example, consistently rate themselves as happier than introverts. Psychologists estimate that innate tendencies can account for as much 50% of the variance in happiness ratings between individuals. They also say that our level of happiness normally remains pretty similar throughout life. Even after good fortune such as winning the lottery or a misfortune such as a bad accident people generally revert back to their normal level of happiness surprisingly quickly, often within a year.
Nevertheless there are a number of things we can do to draw out well-being. We have already discussed the importance of developing and maintaining satisfying relationships. Another factor is the extent to which people are actively engaged with life. Those who do things they like and/or find meaningful tend to be more satisfied than those who rarely do things they value.
Some studies suggest that it is more satisfying to be actively absorbed in areas in which we are intrinsically motivated and where we get feedback on our progress, such as gardening, dancing, playing golf, surfing, looking after children and cooking than with activities that are more passive, such as watching TV. However watching TV for 50 hours a week is surprisingly common in the UK and the US, though the number of hours watched is falling among the young who spend more time on the internet.
To enhance well-being, watch less TV and get actively involved in something you enjoy and value. Note that almost any work offers the opportunity to do something well and engage helpfully with others.
"there are plenty of happy secretaries and unhappy CEOs"
It is the attitude that a person brings to their work and life rather than the type of work they do and, normally, the situation they find themselves in, which governs their satisfaction levels. Outward achievement is not necessarily the answer; there are plenty of happy secretaries and unhappy CEOs. It can help to remember to count your blessings and avoiding spending too much time ruminating on the empty half of the glass.
The 24 hour culture has benefits. Quite a few studies show people who work part of the time at home rather than in the office are more productive. They also have the satisfaction of saved commuting time to devote to family, partners and friends, the relationships that are so important to well-being. If you are disciplined, asynchronous communication also affords the possibility of answering emails and voicemail at a time of your choosing.
Well-being is enhanced where workers have some flexibility over when and how they work and where they maintain a work-life balance that provides time for themselves and their family as well as work. People vary widely as to what that balance is. One study found half the leaders worked weekends and half not, yet both groups were equally happy with their work-life balance.
Monday, May 01, 2006
Thank God that’s over.
Well I have just had NINE days off work on holiday, thank god it’s over and I can get back to normal. How can I upset anyone when I’m at home?
But at work that’s a different kettle of fish. Oh the fun I’m going to have this week. All of the complaints from people who know better.
The Bitch from Hell.
Will be complaining about the scanners not doing what they should. Whopps have just checked her blog, she is already moaning.
Brain dead.
Will be worrying about everyone else and how they affect his future. Learn the secret of life “what ever you do, the world will dump on YOU”.
The Lady from Planet Zanuzzi.
She will have forgotten who I am, after all it has been 9 days. Talk about long term memory loss.
Fluff.
No one loves me, no one cares.
The God Squad.
Well her father has died whilst I have been away, so an easy victim there.
And then there is the Officers (forgive the laughter).
What ever has gone wrong it will not be their fault, talk about a blame culture. The first thing they will blame will be the system, then if that can be proved not to be at fault it will be who ever is not there. And if all else fails and they are trapped it will be the old standby, pressure of work.
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